Subject: MOTHERSHIP ACCIDENTLY DESCENDS ON HOOTIE CONCERT. (fwd)

From: "Lazlo Nibble" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 4 Mar 1997 10:30:54 -0700 (MST)

MOTHERSHIP ACCIDENTLY DESCENDS ON HOOTIE CONCERT.

ROSEMONT, IL--Confusion and awkwardness resulted Monday when the P-Funk
Mothership, outer-space chariot of Dr.  Funkenstein and the Star Child,
accidentally descended upon a sold-out Hootie and the Blowfish concert at
the Rosemont Horizon arena in suburban Chicago.

"Thumpasaurus Peoples! You have summoned us through the Groove, and we
have returned to refunkatize the planet!" said Dr. Funkenstein, the
fur-bedecked, disco-booted Mothership Supreme Commander, moments before
the popular South Carolina-based band was about to launch into the song
"I Only Wanna Be With You."

Members of Hootie and the Blowfish, whose 1995 release Cracked Rear View
sold over 14 million copies, were caught off guard by the arrival of the
Mothership.

"The man who came out of the spaceship attempted to shoot me with
something he called a 'Bop Gun,'" lead singer Darius Rucker told
reporters. "Somehow I sensed it would be detrimental to my career as a
singer."

Added a visibly distressed Rucker: "He also seemed to imply that if I
let my mind go free, something would happen to my bottom."

Bandmate Dean Felber was equally disturbed by the appearance of the
cosmic visitors. "Their mode of dress was, frankly, garish," Felber told
reporters, "not at all like the muted, earth-tone flannels and oversized
cable-knit sweaters appropriate for concert wear."

Sources speculate that an inadvertent hip shake by Rucker, who briefly
lost his balance stumbling over a stray mandolin, may have accidentally
summoned the Mothership.

It is also speculated that Rucker's powerful baritone voice may have
exceeded Hootie and the Blowfish's normal safety standards for "bass,"
inadvertently summoning the intergalactic funk saucer.

Said band member Mark Bryan,"We had just finished a really super
rendition of 'Let Her Cry' that sounded exactly like on the CD, when out
of nowhere these strange men came down shouting about getting up and doing
the backstroke, or something."

According to police, no serious damage was caused by the incident, but
it did result in a 45-minute concert delay, causing many in attendance to
go to bed later than they had wanted to.

"I had a 9 a.m. meeting the next day with a very important client," said
concertgoer/stockbroker James Norridge, 42, who did not go to sleep until
well after midnight. "I really needed to be at the top of my game."

Norridge's disappointment was typical of the 17,456 whites in attendance.

"I did not wish to get 'funked up,'" said Roger Kleist, 33.  "If I did,
I would have attended a Dave Matthews Band concert.