Subject: TNG Series Review: IMHO End-of-TNG Blowout (1 of 3)
From: [email-masked] (TED BRENGLE)
Date: Thu, 30 Jun 1994 14:01:14 -0400
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.reviews,rec.arts.startrek.current

***The IMHO End-Of-TNG Blowout***

        In the beginning, I was never one of the doomsayers.
        Honest.
        You know the people I'm talking about. The people who screamed
 at the top of their lungs when TNG was first announced that no Trek
 could ever fly without Spock and Kirk and velour. Maybe you knew
 some of them. Maybe you were one of them.
        But I was not. Indeed, The Next Generation always seemed to me
 to be a logical progression. I even thought that's what they were
 setting-up with the introduction of Saavik and David in Star Trek II
 (Being *really* wrong keeps me humble). To me, the only foolish
 element of this new series was its placement a century in the
 future, for I knew that no matter how much TPTB denied it in the
 beginning, they would all eventually want to do cross-overs and that
 this would certainly gum-up the works.
         In fact I was such a swinging Trek-liberal, I didn't even think
 that the new ship needed to be called Enterprise, as the Trek legacy
 is clear enough regardless of the name on the factory sticker.
         And so I viewed "Encounter At Farpoint" seven years ago, and
 having never known the thrill of first-run Trek on television
 before, I loved it. Oh, sure looking back it was both stagy and
 cheesy, but it was Trek on television, and even then I knew that
 whatever weird magic that Trek possesses had been successfully
 passed on to its progeny. I was certain that this would silence the
 critics.
        The next day I saw my best friend. He can be best described as a
 casual fan of Star Trek. He'd been excited about TNG, and I was
 curious what he had thought of it.
        "God, that was awful. That plot might have worked in the
 sixties. Maybe. And it was so stupid when they separated the ship!
 I'm never watching that again." This is an opinion that has remained
 pretty much unchanged for seven years.
        Because of this, I have always thought that it is eminently
 proper that his fiancee *adores* The Next Generation and makes it a
 point never to miss an episode.
        And some people say Q isn't God...
                              **********
        Welcome to this final celebration of TNG, here at the IMHO
 Factory (more cavernous than the "Nostromo" from ALIEN and
 considerably more sinister). Pull up a chair and reminisce.
        It's been a long, and sometimes arduous, seven year stint, but
 now that it's over, and the sadness (or elation, depending on your
 personal level of contempt for the seventh season) has passed, it's
 time to take stock of what it all meant (if anything).
        This is also one last, long night before I erase all of my TNG
 taglines. A night for nostalgia, for savoring TNG's successes, and
 getting one last whack in at the embarrassing failures. But most of
 all, it's a wrap party. So let loose. The Klingons are in the mosh
 pit, we've got fried tribbles simmering on the hibachi, there's the
 "Dunk-A-Worf" booth, and the band is starting up the TNG Rag to
 accompany our seven-year grand tour.
        Grab your partner.
                              **********
                   ***YEAR ONE: "Humble Beginnings"***
        And they were. The first season of any series is a flailing
 affair, and TNG was no different. In many ways, the most
 entertaining element of the first year is to look back at the
 episodes and make a list of all the elements that were quickly
 abandoned: Ferengi as cannibals, Ferengi as villains, Troi's skirt,
 Troi's bun, Troi's accent, Troi's empathic powers (steadily
 downplayed for the rest of the series), Tasha Yar... But TNG also
 thoroughly demonstrated its connection to the Trek legacy with "The
 Naked Now", and rifts on such TOS chestnuts as "The evil twin"
 ("Datalore"), "Absolute power corrupts absolutely" ("Hide and Q"),
 while also finding the time to further the grand tradition of
 Roddenberry's smirking sexuality ("Justice") and S&M ("Hide and Q")
 in Trek. Not a particularly wonderful year, but good-will was
 fostered, and interest sparked by a few notable gems like "Heart of
 Glory."
        Other notes of interest: It only took seven episodes before the
 Enterprise experienced the first of many complete system failures
 due to alien intervention or malfunction ("Lonely Among Us"), and
 eleven before the holodeck first went goofy ("The Big Goodbye"). And
 "Angel One" is a very important episode in TNG's development (and I
 hear you asking, "How in the Hell can *"Angel One"* be
 important?!"). Simple. It was the first episode to clearly utilize
 the A/B story-arc, one of the most destructive storytelling devices
 Modern Trek ever devised.

       ***YEAR TWO: "All Dressed Up With No Place To Go"***
        This year of Trek malaise was best embodied by the ship's new
 doctor: A dull, crabby concoction that was constructed solely out of
 old lines of McCoy dialog dropped from TOS scripts. The watchword
 for this season was "boredom." This was a year where the episodes,
 if you were really lucky, had one act written, and that was all.
 This was when the patented TNG Non-Ending was honed to a
 mono-monocular sharpness. Episodes didn't so much anti-climax, as
 run out of film. Shows would come on, introduce a interesting
 concept or two, murmur lackadaisically for awhile, evolve
 formlessly, start to grate on you nerves, and then fade out,
 studiously avoiding anything that might be even accidentally
 construed as a resolution, all this making second season TNG seem
 like the TV drama version of the Ligeti mood-music that Kubrick used
 for the Monolith in 2001. TrekAngst (pat. pending) also made
 glorious gains in its evolution this year with such flotsam as "The
 Icarus Factor" and "The Child". But the biggest stench was that of
 missed opportunities and bad planing.
        On the plus side, the Borg snuck in through the back door this
 season, and TNG scored a surprise coup with "The Measure of a Man",
 springing one of the series' best episodes in the middle of all the
 garbage. Also solid adventures like "Peek Performance," "A Matter Of
 Honor," and "The Emissary" kept hope alive. But when TNG ended the
 season with "Shades of Gray" (technically the single worst hour of
 Trek, any series, any generation, ever produced) the fans who
 weren't sacrificing goats had to be wondering if anything would pull
 TNG out of its nose-dive

                ***YEAR THREE: "The Golden Age"***
        Roddenberry begins his slow descent into full-fledged figurehead
 mode, Paramount Company-Man Rick Berman takes over, and former CBS
 censor Michael Piller is put in charge of the scripts.
        The result: The best season in TNG history. Go figure.
        After a shaky start with "Evolution", which although dull was
 still leagues better than most of season two, the series commenced a
 home-run derby that TNG (sadly) never could fully recreate. Credit
 goes to Piller for revitalizing and diversifying the script pool,
 serving stories week after week that switched seamlessly between
 straight science fiction ("Tin Man"), comedy ("Deja Q"), morality
 play ("The Most Toys"), drama ("Sarek"), and nail-biting suspense
 ("The Best of Both Worlds"). Of the entire season, there is only one
 episode that I actively dislike ("Captain's Holiday").
        Fan and writer Ron Moore first joined the series this season
 with the admittedly sappy, but underrated, "The Bonding" and quickly
 made a reputation as one of TNG's premier writers with such
 episode's as "The Defector" and "Sins of the Father". Rene
 Echeverria also made an impressive debut, penning "The Offspring",
 although his legacy as a Great TNG Writer would prove more elusive,
 and Frakes silenced scoffers who rolled their eyes at another actor
 who wanted to expand his horizons, by proving that it is indeed the
 first officers in the Trek franchise that posses the directoral
 skills.
        Look back at these episodes and you can't help but be impressed
 by the energy that enlivened the writing, music, and performances.
 Energy so powerful that it could only have been born by the
 desperation to get out of the hole dug by season two. At any rate,
 this was the season when TNG came of its own and finally started to
 consistently do its linage proud. That this season closes on what is
 arguably the series' masterpiece is especially fitting.

                ***YEAR FOUR: "The Silver Age"***
        This season started with the thunderous bang of "The Best Of
 Both Worlds II", and then demonstrated how much the show had matured
 by following up these fireworks with a reasoned, logical, and very
 quiet epilogue that acknowledged the emotional toil of such
 adventures on human beings in "Family."
        This season maintained the strong batting average of the
 preceding year up until the final episode before the first batch of
 re-runs. This episode was the dopey "Final Mission", penned by a new
 face to TNG's witting officer, Jeri Taylor, and sent the series into
 repeats with a disturbing cautionary tale of what might follow.
        The news ultimately was not nearly as bad as this signal
 indicated, but the consistency of the series suddenly ended. Indeed,
 after this the show became nauseatingly unpredictable, with complete
 triumphs like "Data's Day" and "First Contact" coming within weeks
 of legendary depth-charges like "Q-Pid" and "The Loss." Whiplash
 became a problem with some fans, but, all in all, the season
 average, while down from the preceding year, was still quite
 healthy.
        Other Notes: Brannon Braga makes his first appearance as a TNG
 scenarist by teaming with Ron Moore for the excellent "Reunion." His
 first solo effort, though, is the considerably less than
 underwhelming "Identity Crisis." Moore, for his part, wrote his
 first bad episode toward the end of this season ("In Theory"). The
 Cardassians are first introduced in "The Wounding", but you'd have
 to be using a Ouija Board to be able to predict that this race would
 ever be in any way interesting considering the stock thugs featured
 in this Jeri Taylor mishmash. Speaking of DS9, writer Peter Allan
 Fields joins the Trek universe with "Half A Life", an episode that
 tries valiantly to give Troi's mom depth. Shockingly, it doesn't
 work. What were the odds...?

                ***YEAR FIVE: "Trouble In Paradise"***
        The season opener quickly gets "off-message", loses sight of the
 real story (the Klingons), and gets hopelessly lost chasing its own
 tail over Sela, effectively setting the scene for the fifth season.
 Even more scatter-shot than the previous year, the show's quality
 begins to take a small, but definite, downward turn. The return of
 Spock (a proposition that is seemingly impossible to ruin) is
 miraculously bungled in the final innings, and the bad episodes have
 stopped being bad and are rapidly becoming increasingly unbearable.
 This is also the season when technobabble starts to become a serious
 problem. TNG formulas, percolating for years, seem to come to lives
 of their own, don pirate hats, and start hijacking episodes. The
 arguable low-point of the season is when TPTB try with all their
 might to put a bullet in the brain of the Borg, one of the best
 ideas TNG ever came up with in "I, Borg."
        Despite this, the series held on and delivered a string of solid
 episodes that belied that cancer that had taken hold of the creative
 staff. "Cause And Effect" proves to be Brannon Braga's (and Jonathan
 Frakes') masterpiece, and TNG even manages to redeem Wesley Crusher
 is the eyes of fans in "The First Duty" (Vatican Leaders are
 currently reviewing Ron Moore's petition of sainthood, as this does
 qualify as a miracle.)
        Other notes: Jeri Taylor writes her first good episode
 ("Unification I"), Ron Moore writes his first horrid one
 ("Disaster"), and Peter Allen Fields singlehandedly demonstrates the
 dynamic range of Trek writers by going from Goat-To-God ("Cost Of
 Living," and "The Inner Light.") The Klingon saga, once beloved by
 fans, begins to be hunted by villagers with torches after Alexander
 is brought on-board the ship, and Worf takes his first important
 steps into his new role as resident starship sap.

                   ***YEAR SIX: "The Decline"***
        In the midst of debates about exactly how much longer TNG will
 remain on the air, the series itself elegantly weighs in on the
 issue by beginning a full-fledged disintegration. The first half of
 the season is direly lifeless, with only a return visit by Scotty
 helping to coax any kind of interest either in front of or behind
 the camera. The problem of technobabble enters its terminal stages
 and becomes a legitimate crisis, as it is now pretty much spooned in
 in place of plot or logic. Screenplay desperation is evidenced by
 TNG's sudden infatuation with the denizens of High Concept Hell,
 resulting in such things as "The Trek does Romper Room Episode"
 ("Rascals"), "The Trek Does Whitley Strieber Episode" ("Schisms"),
 "The Trek does 'Closet Land'" Episode" ("Chain Of Command"), The
 "Wild West Trek" Episode ("Fistful of Datas", fulfilling the mandate
 that every science-fiction TV series do at least one really bad
 western episode), "The Trek does 'Laura'/'The Thing' Two-For-One
 Ripoff Episode" ("Aquiel"), "The Trek does 'Die Hard' Episode"
 ("Starship Mine", shoplifting from *two* Alan Rickman movies in one
 season), and, yes, even though it was excellent, "The Trek Does
 'It's A Wonderful Life,' Episode" ("Tapestry").
        While the second half of the season improved, with superlative
 episodes like "Tapestry" and "Ship in a Bottle", and strong
 second-stringers like "Face of the Enemy," for the first time,
 things seemed to be on a definite downhill slide, culminating in a
 feeling that the series was now seriously off-track and the
 standards in free-fall. Pessimism was so rampant that when "Descent
 I" aired, many took it as a ominous portent of the last season of
 TNG, noting that while it was a good stand-alone episode, it
 appeared to be giving the conclusion only enough rope to hang
 itself.
                   ***YEAR SEVEN: "The Fall"***
        Which brings us to the past season, the weakest in TNG's entire
 run. Season Two is in shock and is demanding a recount, but it won't
 get one.
         Whereas Season Two's episodes were uniformly dull and pointless
 (to coin a phrase), Season Seven went the extra mile by being dull,
 pointless, puerile and ridiculous. The result was a season that
 spent much of the time running in place, while at the same time
 lurching, seemingly out of control from week to week, veering from
 character sophistry and shortcuts to plot idiocy, all the while
 chugging forward with a baseless, brain-dead gung-ho spirit that
 carried the series right off a cliff.
        At some times the writers were barely showing up at work and
 scripts were put together from bits of dialogue scribbled on
 discarded napkins from the Paramount commissary. It was abundantly
 clear on many occasions that no one was giving any effort at all
 beyond using the Trek office's resources to update resumes and
 secure slots on convention circuits until the year 2045. How else
 can we explain barely-sticking-to-the-videotape excuses for episodes
 like "Liaisons" and "Emergence." Scores of episodes passed that
 elicited only the thought, "This series only has x amount of hours
 left to it. Why are we wasting time with *this*?"
         The only real mandate the show appeared to be working under was
 the edict to Bring Everybody Back For A Sequel and eliminate all
 loose ends with the elan of Lorena Bobbitt. These comebacks ranged
 from the successful (Ro in "Preemptive Strike") to the awful (Lore
 and the Borg in "Descent II") to the cursory (Barclay in "Genesis"
 and Tomalak in "All Good Things..."). The most damning fact about
 TNG's continuity priorities this year can be best epitomized in the
 fact that while DS9 had adventures with classic Klingons and
 scheduled a return trip to the "Mirror" Universe, TNG caught up with
 DaiMon Bok. Worst of all, the series conveyed a smug arrogance that
 clearly transmitted that even the show knew it was just killing
 time, but couldn't be bothered to care less. Between the series'
 arrogant cynicism, and non-stop floundering, TNG seemed intent on
 perfecting a masterful impression synthesizing both the Bush and
 Clinton administrations. Joy. At least that was creative.
        The seventh season's other attempts at creativity were not as
 successful, even though the series did try and do something on
 occasion. Indeed, the remarkable thing about the season is that at
 some instances the series showed a willingness to take legitimate
 chances: Turning Wes into a God... making the Warp Drive destructive
 to the fabric of space... casting the Prime Directive as a artifact
 of petty bureaucrats that wipes out whole species... The trouble,
 though, started after they came up with their high-concepts. Most of
 the time this is were the creativity stopped. Sometimes the risks
 they tried to take were crippled by customary Trek Cowardice
 ("Attached"), but most of the time the writers had absolutely *no
 idea* of how to make a tricky situation work. The upshot was that a
 lot of daring episodes came off as *offensive* because they were
 executed so badly, lacking logic, planing, or fresh perspectives,
 often lapsing into trite formula and obnoxious moralizing.
 Risk-taking episodes need a new set of rules, and must have a
 lite-touch and a innovative design and conception. The Trek writers
 made the fatal error by thinking they could plug their chancy ideas
 into the standard Trek Story Armatures, and were puzzled when the
 ideas were ground up and spit out. Examples include treating the
 Warp Drive as just another Technobabble Menace, while neglecting the
 sub-text and societal details that might have made this work, or
 Picard's and Bev's jaw-dropping reaction to Wes' anointing, which
 seemed to indicate that having close friends and family turned into
 nascent Gods was a routine experience for them. This should  have
 had a MAJOR impact, but by cramming the story into the Trek Plot
 Straight Jacket, we are instead treated to the loony scene were Bev
 and Picard tell Wes to always remember to drop them a postcard and
 ware a sweater whenever he visits the Q continuum. The only risk
 that paid-off this season was Ro's turning traitor, and it worked
 because it had all the elements these other episodes lacked:
 Internal logic, a sensible attitude, and a denouement that was
 integral for both the characters and the story being told, making
 the situation seem real and not another gimmick trotted out solely
 on the basis of screenwriter caprice.
        Also this season, the Trek Technobabble Cancer erupted out of
 John Hurt's abdomen, grew a head, arms, and legs, and decided to
 seek its own fortune in the big city. Honest science-fiction all but
 disappeared this season, making the series safe for lunacy like
 "Emergence" and "Genesis" among others. In other words, ideas that
 weren't as much science-fiction as something a Speed Fiend would
 come up with after sampling LSD in order to gain a new perspective
 on life. Indeed, to my mind TNG finally completed its transformation
 from a science-fiction (or more accurately science-fantasy) series
 to a straight fantasy series, and a not particularly good one, being
 slightly more predictable, and slightly less interesting than your
 average episode of "Tales From The Crypt." (Yes that may sound like
 a low blow, but think about it. Good fantasy fiction is like
 science-fiction in that it relies on coherent, internally consistent
 rules and laws, and "Tales From The Crypt" has once in a great,
 great, great while set these up adequately. TNG, on the other hand,
 spurs all rules of any kind as the writers are so ridiculously
 devoid of any sort of discipline. One of the allures of Hard SF is
 that the writers of it are able to deliver the required fire-works
 while working within a very rigid framework, making their creativity
 seem even more inventive. TNG, on the other hand, just looks sloppy,
 as it flails around in a universe were just about anything can
 happen as long as Sternbach and Okuda are there to come up with
 enough syllables ending with the suffix "ionic". Next week, flowers
 grow out of Data's head, and the Warp Dive accidentally turns a
 planet into a giant licorice whip (the black, yucky kind)! There is
 a phrase for a TV series where fantastic events occur with no
 coherent thought, rhyme, reason, or reasonable rationale: "Twin
 Peeks.")
        Another low blow.
        And before the hate-mail starts, let me quickly add that TNG is,
 on the whole, better than "Tales From The Crypt" And "Twin Peeks"
 put together and the sum cubed, but any rational observer has to
 admit that the seventh season has added very little positive to that
 whole. Of course there have been good episodes, which speaks to the
 inherent strength of the series that even in a season this bad, the
 show was still able to pull it together enough to make "Parallels",
 "The Pegasus", "Lower Decks," "Preemptive Strike", and "All Good
 Things...". The scary question, though, and one I hesitate to
 answer, is if any of the good episodes this season were good enough
 to warrant the other twenty hours, some of which really beat TNG
 over the head with a shovel.
        And thus ended The Next Generation (on TV)...
 * OLX 2.1 TD * So dull and pointless, you'd swear it was a IMHO review.
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From: [email-masked] (TED BRENGLE)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.reviews,rec.arts.startrek.current
Subject: TNG Series Review: IMHO End-of-TNG Blowout (2 of 3)
Followup-To: rec.arts.startrek.current
Date: Thu, 30 Jun 1994 16:05:51 -0400
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                            **********
                     ***The Ubiquitous Lists***

        I couldn't get out of here without saying a few words about the
 greatest, and most dismal, moments of TNG. It's practically required
 that every fan weigh in with his or her own personalized list of the
 Ten Best and Worst. The thing is, they are all so damn divergent.
 Sure, some consensus is possible at the magnetic poles, but outside
 of that, it is real vague out there. In the spirit of that reality,
 I will not name "The Ten Best and Worst" episodes of TNG, because it
 is simply impossible. Even polls crash and burn ("'Relics' in the
 top five! Voter fraud!" people screech). Instead, these list only my
 personal picks for most and least enjoyable. In addition, this
 approach will also allow me to address the fact that some episodes,
 while technically superior, didn't connect with me as much as did
 others. On with the show.

                          My Favorite Episodes

        10. "Tin Man"- Yes, it is predictable and manipulative, but
 Harry Groener's performance as Tam Elbrun never fails to move me,
 and the show has so many good elements from the evocative music, to
 the stunning visual effects, to one of the most memorable (and
 realistic) representations of a telepath in Trek history, that I
 always overlook the fact that the ending is a foregone conclusion.
 Also one of the rare occurrences where Troi actually worked well
 within the bounds of the original character.
      9. "The Defector"- Ron Moore's proved how good he was with this
 episode. Another great guest performance, this time by James Sloyan,
 gives this show its punch, although a very able assist by Andreas
 Katsulas as Tomalak pushes the whole thing into the stratosphere.
 The best look at the Romulans since "Balance of Terror." Vivid
 dialogue, smart plotting, and excellent performances by everybody
 build the tension, and Picard's ace up his sleeve for getting out of
 the mess in the Neutral Zone is one of the series' best moment.
      8. "Deja Q"- One Q's lightest episodes and one of the most
 enjoyable. Trek has, generally, much less sure a grasp of comedy
 than TOS or DS9, but episodes like this one are the few lucky
 accidents that seem to belie that observations. John de Lancie's
 best performance as the character, bringing Q down to size, while
 also somehow making his ego bloat even larger, ground the episode,
 and is  is complimented nicely by a great supporting turn from
 Spiner. Perhaps the series most fun-for-its-own-sake episode.
        7. "Hollow Pursuits"- This episode is notable for something that
 TNG (and Trek in general) does far too little. Namely, explore
 logically the necessary ramifications of a radical technology on
 human behavior and psychology. The exploration here is honest,
 insightful and very entertaining. Another very funny episode, Dwight
 Schultz's Barclay is a revelation that sadly is never used nearly as
 well again, despite numerous attempts, as he singlehandedly makes
 the 24th century safe for neurotics. Even the transparent A/B story
 arc works for once, driving home the episode's "fantasy verses
 reality" theme quite well.
      6. "Cause and Effect"- Making a fifteen minute set-piece,
 repeated four times, not just entertaining but brilliant and
 cleaver, is nothing sort of a triumph. Exceptionally crisp writing
 by Brannon Braga and stellar direction by Jonathan Frakes are so
 good that they are able to make a shattering wine glass seem like
 the Crack Of Doom. Not to mention the performances by all involved,
 who bring freshness to the material even on the third and forth go
 round. One of the series most surefooted dalliances with straight
 science-fiction, the novelty of the situation is terrifically
 paid-off by basing the solution, not on a technobabble smoke screen,
 but on intelligent people utilizing logical thought to use the very
 dynamics of the problem they are embroiled in to solve it.
      5. "Future Imperfect"- A wonderful, mind-bending puzzle-box
 that gives Frakes and Riker the chance to shine, and which came
 equipped with that one extra twist that makes a good episode a great
 episode. Perfectly complimenting the intricate,
 now-you-see-it-now-you-don't plot are some great characters moments
 between Riker and the shadows of his illusory future, and his ersatz
 son. Sequences which are heartbreaking since they clearly show how
 much potential the character of Riker had, most of which was totally
 ignored.
      4. "Reunion"- Worf could, on the other hand, never be accused
 of being underexposed. But before he became overexposed, he was the
 crux of the Klingon Saga, and that was one of the most interesting
 undertakings TNG ever attempted, chronicling a dark age of the
 Klingon Empire. "Reunion" is the arguable flash-point, where Worf's
 personal and political worlds collide, and the seeds for future
 civil war are planted. K'Ehleyr is killed, Worf becomes a murderer
 (one of the series boldest character moves), and the accession of
 Gowron guarantees that the Empire will never be the same. One of the
 few, but treasured, episodes that gave TNG the look and feel of a
 Future History Mega-Saga.
      3. "The Measure of the Man"- One of Data's best episodes,
 although not really a Spiner showcase, as his very good work is
 positively blown away by a barnstorming turn by Stewart. The age-old
 science-fiction question of what constitutes intelligent, much less
 a soul, is handled expertly in Melinda Snodgrass' script, and the
 proud tradition of Trek Courtroom Drama adds another success to its
 ranks.
      2. "Yesterday's Enterprise"- The defining time-travel episode
 of the next generation is a breathless marvel, packing in more
 action, character, special-effects whizbang, plot, sub-text, and
 science-fiction wonder in one hour than most of TNG's two-partes did
 in a pair of episodes. A complex paradox is introduced
 circumspectly, as the script gives the audience credit enough to
 have sufficient smarts to keep up with the twists. Logical enough
 that the resurrection of Tasha Yar worked, and didn't seem like just
 a weird gimmick. Wonderfully symmetrical with Guinan's final line
 being the perfect wrap-up.
        1. "The Best of Both Worlds" (I AND II. My list, my rules... I
 even almost put "Family" in there, too). On November 25th, the
 greatest cross that STVII:TNG:TMP:G will have to bare will be the
 existence of these two hours, for they provide the perfect yardstick
 for the effectiveness of any TNG feature film. This story is quite
 simply Star Trek at its best, with humor, brilliant character
 moments, action, and the greatest alien threat, based on a
 tantalizing science-fiction idea, that Trek has ever came up with.
 If the film isn't as good as this, people will want to know why.
 Credit has to go to Michael Piller's remarkable adept screenplay,
 which keeps all of the myriad balls in the air with perfect grace,
 the direction by Cliff Bole, and the musical contribution of Ron
 Jones (whose music is chilling and thrilling at the same time. Many
 people make the mistake that the wordless choir, which is the
 signature of the Borg, is human. It is not. The human voices are
 synthesized, which is even more appropriate. And unsettling.)
 Elizabeth Dennehy's  Shelby is one of the finest female characters
 ever to come down the pike on Trek (why didn't we see more of her in
 later seasons?) and Stewart's acting is some of his finest, but then
 everything about these two episodes is nothing sort of fabulous.
 Very high up on the list of "The Greatest Star Trek Stories Ever
 Told."

        Honorable Mentions: "Who Watches the Watchers", "Sarek", "Ship
 in a Bottle", "Tapestry", "Unification I",  "Sins of the Father" and
 "Heart of Glory".
                      My Least Favorite Episodes
                          (or "The Dreck")

     10. "Cost of Living"- One of the most embarrassing hours of
 television supposedly sentient beings have ever released into the
 ether. Mud baths, a nude mommy Troi, Alexander, Deanna in "Quack"
 mode presiding over one of the most hilariously inept encounter
 sessions ever filmed, and a completely unrelated Technobabble Danger
 To The Ship which seems to be on a coffee break throughout most of
 the episode, make this show a wishlist for the masochist Trekkie.
 Peter Allen Fields must have been on drugs when he wrote this. I
 wish I had been when I watched it.
      9. "Angel One"- In which a matriarchy is visited and given
 story treatment that ranks a little bit below what "Battlestar
 Galactica" would have done with it. Meanwhile back on the
 Enterprise, a disease is spread by the holodeck and Bev spends the
 hour taking readings. Oh, and the show ends with one of the worst
 "Specifying will set you free" set-pieces Trek has ever delivered
 and pretty much precluded Riker from having to deliver a show-ending
 speech ever again.
      8. "Man of the People"- Ladies and gentlemen, Marina Sirtis
 worst performance ever! Viewing this episode in a house with a dog
 will bring the forces of the SPCA and PETA down on your head, as
 Troi's screaming scenes unleash sonic vibrations that drive dogs to
 bash their heads into walls in the fervent hope that it will cause
 unconsciousness. Awful writing, bored-to-ridiculous performances,
 pacing several degrees slower than a fermenting corpse, no plot, and
 some particularly hallucinogenic science, make this hour a
 demonstration of why the epithet of "Troi episode" will be a curse
 punishable by death sometime in the nest century.
      7. "Birthright II"- Klingons have never looked so dull. The
 sound of thunder as the once interesting Klingon Saga hits the
 tarmac. Plays as a kind of anti-"Reunion", because everything that
 episode did so well is trashed in this one. Instead of a grand scale
 showcase of great acting, intricate political maneuvers, and
 serious, honest drama, we get a flea circus featuring ridiculous
 arch performances, a plot that doesn't even register as linear
 thought, and a mire of TrekAngst (pat. pending) deeper and more
 perilous than the Sargasso Sea.
      6. "Rascals"- A refugee from the pulpier moments of "Lost In
 Space" somehow found its way onto TNG in the sixth season, with a
 ludicrous situation that can kill brain cells if watched too
 closely. Embarrassments like Riker and Worf losing the ship to two
 antiquated Birds of Prey and five Ferengi, pale next to the "funny"
 moments, like the Riker/Picard hug scene, the watching of which the
 Pope has recently ruled a reasonable rationale for suicide.
      5. "Haven"- A Troi episode puree that was so bad that her
 future character development was all but sabotaged, because, for
 seasons after, TPTB would view Troi episodes as necessary evils that
 they did with their left hand. Meet: Talking luggage! Troi's mom!
 Victims of one of the goofiest plagues in science-fiction history
 (looked terrible didn't it?)! And one of the most uncharacteristic
 Quickie TrekRomance leads TNG ever thawed out! This clown also set
 the set the scene for a series of dismally sleazy and uninteresting
 Troi relationships.
      4. "The Royale"- This episode, an obvious bastard child of a
 "holodeck malfunctions" storyline trapped our heros in fiction
 settings yet again for, arguably, the most boring and pointless
 excursion ever. Stupefying by even bad-TNG standards, the only
 interesting element in this hour was The Home Game, where
 contestants took turns thinking up convoluted conspiracies
 explaining why exactly this episode was even made, as it certainly
 couldn't be because it looked good on paper.
      3. "New Ground"- While the collective Klingon race's low point
 was already mentioned, Worf's personal nadir is several degrees of
 magnitude worse. This episode helped to quantify Worf as a joke, and
 was built upon a flawed, cliched, and howlingly inept portrayal of a
 father-son relationship shipped directly from sitcom land. Its
 greatest fault was that it didn't even try to bend the formula into
 anything alien or different (which a Klingon relationship of any
 kind desperately requires). Extra booby points are awarded for an
 especially cursory and disassociated Semi-Obligatory Science Fiction
 Concept (Semi-OSFC)/Technobabble Treat To Our Heros.
      2. "Shades of Gray"- One of the most embarrassing hours of
 television supposedly sentient beings have ever released into the
 ether. <Snip> ...pacing several degrees slower than a fermenting
 corpse, no plot. <Snip> ...can kill brain cells if watched too
 closely. <Snip>  ...the most boring and pointless excursion ever.
      1. "Imaginary Friend"- Here it is. The very bottom. Why? This
 remains the only episode of TNG that I have ever *laughed at*. It
 came when Picard began his surreal episode-closing monologue about
 how humans raise children. At that moment, I knew I was watching
 something that rivaled some of the worst moments in Star Trek V and
 "The Omega Glory." This is what happens when formula takes over
 completely  and not one iota of independent thought is used in the
 production of a television episode. This show is the best parody of
 TNG I have ever seen, masterfully combining all its worst elements:
 Humorless and dull, abysmal ignorance of how science-fiction is
 supposed to work, every cliche from the advanced glowbug aliens that
 don't under stand (blank) about humanity, to the Technobabble Danger
 To Our Heros, to kiddies in peril, ridiculously trite situations...
 The entire episode plays as high-camp, with Shay Astar as the
 imaginary friend, Isabella, acting like she is auditioning for a
 villainess on "Melrose Place", and Stewart earnestly reciting his
 final speech gibberish as if it were the Gettysburg Address. TNG's
 saddest moment.

        Dishonorable Mentions: "Liaisons", "The Child", "Code of Honor",
 "Disaster", "Pen Pals", "Force of Nature, "The Loss" and
 "Elementary, Dear Data".
                             **********
        Well, now that I've gotten that off my chest and am done heaping
 abuse, it is time to pay the piper.
        A lot of people, moi included, have made Berman-Bashing (and to
 a lesser extent Piller-Bashing), into a popular fan spectator sport.
 Some people do it because they see Berman as a debaser of "Gene's
 High Holy Vision" (Registered Trademark-Paramount Pictures Corp.),
 while I spew vitriol and unfair hyperbole mostly because much of
 what he has recently done for TNG has been so dismal.
        But every dog its day, and every man his due. It's time to give
 Rick Berman some credit.
        Let's begin by putting all our cards on the table: By the end of
 the second season of TNG, Eugene Wesley Roddenberry had lost it.
 Whether it was because of illness, or because he was taking it easy
 after a long, hard-working life, or because he was a rat-bastard is
 irrelevant. Pick your favorite theory, as each has their adherents,
 and ultimately they are each futile, because they all have the same
 end-point: TNG was widely regarded as not performing up to
 expectations. At this point, Paramount did what it always did in
 this situation in the past. They pushed (this time gently, at least)
 Roddenberry out of the way, and placed their own agent in control of
 the franchise, just like they had years earlier with the accession
 of Harve Bennett after the ST:TMP boondoggle.
         Rick Berman was their man, and I argue that if it hadn't been
 for him, Star Trek would be dead right now. Not just TNG. Star Trek.
 The whole damn thing. And I wouldn't be here writing this (Which
 might have been a good thing, after all... What page is this,
 anyway?)
        At any rate, think about it. 1989 was a dark time for the
 Alliance. The second season of TNG had been universally recognized
 as a farce, and the summer saw the birth and speedy demise of Star
 Trek V, which barely broke even. If it hadn't been for Rick Berman
 and the universally regarded resurgence of TNG in the third season,
 I shudder to think what would have happened. If Berman hadn't been
 there, it is *very* possible that the third season would have been
 on the par of the first and second, and in the franchises weakened
 condition, that might have been just enough of a reason for
 Paramount to pull the plug, enabling them to make a bundle off
 stripping the re-runs before the interest level was any more
 depressed. And that would have been it.
        No seven seasons of TNG. No DS9. No Star Trek VI (Which was made
 over the objections of many at Paramount who thought the old cast
 moribund. The TOS cast and fans owe their final bow solely to the
 popularity that TNG brought to Trek. Period), and certainly no Star
 Trek VII. But that didn't happen, and I'm inclined to think that
 Paramount wouldn't have let it happen. Trek is too valuable to them,
 and I've detected this mysterious pattern, that when the chips are
 down, Paramount will okay the loathed last resort of actual quality
 as a desperate final gamble (witness Star Trek II, the third season
 of TNG and the second season of DS9). The latter two upswings were
 engineered by Rick Berman and I think it demonstrates the essential
 soundness of the "Stay Hungry" doctrine.
        Another thing it demonstrates is how much good Berman can
 accomplish when he actually cares and acts as a strong, sure hand at
 the controls. No one is foolish enough to accuse Roddenberry of not
 caring about TNG, but, for whatever reasons you want to believe, the
 fight was no longer in him and the show suffered for it, and all
 then good intentions in the world weren't going to save it.
         Berman, on the other hand, while not the visionary that
 Roddenberry was, was a superb micro-manager, and that cool business
 sense and ruthless efficiency was just what the series needed at
 that point. Roddenberry had given them the inspiration, now it was
 up to Berman to actually execute it properly. He gave the series a
 sense of stability that was necessary for TNG to grow and mature
 logically. He got the show on an even-keel, and when the former
 war-zone of the writing pool was settled down and structured
 properly, the series began to sing. Admittedly, Berman was too
 efficient in that he erected a script factory that churned out
 episodes so quick and dirty, that eventually new infusions of
 quality and creativity didn't need to be added at all. In essence,
 the script shop became a perpetual motion machine that was turning
 out scripts long, long after the gas had run out.
        The problem was that Berman was so good at his job and so
 efficient at making TNG popular that it quickly became so successful
 that he didn't need to care anymore. And his agent Michael Piller
 was so good at *his* job, he was promoted out of the script pool and
 made an executive producer and Vice-Trek-God in a exquisite
 demonstration of the Peter Principle.
        As to the "Star Trek Vision", there are some parts of it that
 Berman still struggles with, as well as facets that he has a firm
 control of. Berman does, for example, understand that for better or
 worse (mostly worse) crass moralizing is as much apart of Trek as
 anything, and didactic speeches its most pronounced, and sometimes
 most nostalgic, avatar.
         One of the things Berman is often accused of is selling out the
 Bright Future that Roddenberry envisioned, populating it instead
 with corrupt admirals, shifty alliances, and imperfect governments,
 in lieu of the pristine black and white. I would respond that Berman
 actually understands the problem of human nature as it runs through
 Trek quite well, and by showing people struggle with themselves, he
 actually validates the bright future by making it seem more
 well-earned. Because he does have a firm grip on the nobel, if
 flawed, nature of humanity and how that drives the essence of the
 show, Berman's single biggest mistake in the show, is especially
 ironic.
        To put it simply, Berman doesn't understand science-fiction,
 which is a crying shame. In specific, he has completely missed one
 of its greatest strengths as it pertains to the very themes that
 make Star Trek so strong. Berman has demonstrated the rookie
 misconception that science-fiction is just about mechanics and
 theories and that's all. In an all too common mistake for Trek
 villains, Berman forgot the human equation. At its best,
 science-fiction is about ideas, and about how those postulates
 effect the human mind, body, and soul. It is all about fresh
 perspectives on the oldest questions facing man. Ideally
 science-fiction uncovers more about the human spirit than any other
 thing, even when describing the first meeting with the most alien
 race ever encountered. Berman, and the writers he has hired, often
 confuse the hardware with the soul, mistaking the trappings for the
 essence. That is not to say that TNG hasn't fully explored the
 revelatory aspects of SF to good effect on several notable
 occasions, but much of the time, Berman seems to have fostered an
 atmosphere where science-fiction is seen as an obstacle for "human"
 stories, instead of one of the best vehicles yet devised for
 furnishing them.
        The result of this attitude was a series that often equated
 science-fiction with Technobabble Threats, and drama with soap opera
 strum-and-drang. In essence, the same mistake that zillions of hack
 writers made in pulp science-fiction magazines sixty years ago.
        This is were the Roddenberry Legacy diverges from Berman.
 Roddenberry for all his flaws in storytelling technique, understood
 the value of the science-fiction paradigm for viewing mankind and
 its current condition. He understood it in his marrow, and that
 concept is what he really brought to television in 1966, and again
 in 1987, and thus the style, not the substance, of Roddenberry's
 creation is what Rick Berman's Star Trek is lacking.
        But, I have come here not to bury Rick Berman, but to praise him
 (Kind of hard to tell. I didn't intend that to be the case. Honest).
 Rick Berman steered the franchise through the loss of its principle
 creator, and made it come out the other end stronger than it had
 been before. He set up a system that told a lot of great stories
 (even telling a few himself- "Brothers" was superb), and made TNG
 and Trek more prosperous, respectable, and popular than it ever had
 been before. And while I and others may disagree with some of his
 choices and priorities over the years, let us remember that as Film
 Studio Company Men go, we could have gotten a lot worse. Slow and
 steady (and efficient) does, indeed, sometimes win the race.
        So, let us raise our glasses to Rick Berman. The Great Carpenter
 Ant Of The Galaxy.

 * OLX 2.1 TD * So dull and pointless, you'd swear it was a IMHO review.
==========================================================================
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 Cincinnati, OH  (513) 779-9717   FidoNet 1:108/175  TrekNet 87/6001:1839
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From: [email-masked] (TED BRENGLE)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.reviews,rec.arts.startrek.current
Subject: TNG Series Review: IMHO End-of-TNG Blowout (3 of 3)
Followup-To: rec.arts.startrek.current
Date: Thu, 30 Jun 1994 14:14:18 -0400
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        And now for something completely different...
        The last seven years have certainly piled up an impressive list
 of the good, odd, and profane. These are the moments which make TNG
 was it is: A pop culture relic. To celebrate these moments, people,
 and events, I present the following awards. All awards, categories,
 nominees, and winners are voted on solely by me, so if you're
 expecting a fair fight, forget about it. Arguments are encouraged.
        So without further ado...

                 ****The First Ever IMHO Awards****
        THE MIRI MEMORIAL "NO BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!" AWARD for special
 distinction in technobabble: "Realm of Fear"
        THE "WHEEL OF MORALITY TURN, TURN, TURN" AWARD for most
 ridiculously overblown and tacked on mini-moral: "Imaginary Friend"
        THE "TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES" AWARD for funniest episode: "Deja Q"
        THE "SPOCK'S BRAIN" AWARD for most agonizingly bad *attempt* at
 a funny episode: "Rascals." Second runner-ups: "Fistful of Datas,"
 and "Q-Pid."
        THE BRONZED BABEL FISH to "Darmok", for the best episode about
 communication.
        THE FAULTY UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR, "HAILING FREQUENCIES CLOSED"
 AWARD to "Loud As A Whisper" for the worst episode about
 communication.
        THE "HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL" AWARD for smarmiest, most
 ridiculously adolescent attitude toward sex: "Justice." Second
 runner-up: "Sub Rosa." Third runner-up: "The Naked Now."
        THE TIM BURTON AWARD for most overrated episode: "I, Borg"
        THE "WEEKLY WORLD NEWS" AVENGER BADGE for best episode based on
 tabloid headlines: "First Contact."
        THE GERALDO'S SWEATSHOP AWARD for worst episode based on tabloid
 headlines: "Schisms".
        THE "TIME AND AGAIN" AWARD to "Time Squared" (which did the
 story first)  and "Cause and Effect" (which did the same story
 right), perfectly epitomizing the very spirit of the time-loop,
 keep-trying-until-we get-it-right tales they were telling.
        THE ROMULAN SPY DECODER RING to Tasia Valenza ("Coming Of Age"),
 Henry Darrow ("Conspiracy"), Rocco Sisto ("Sarek"), and Robin Curtis
 ("Gambit I and II") for worst vulcan performances in the whole of
 Trek history.
        THE DARK LORD OF THE SITH GOLD-PLATED DEATH MASK for best
 villain: Andreas Katsulas as Tomalak.
        THE RIDDLER/KING TUT AWARD for lamest villain: Denise Crosby as
 Sela.
        THE SQUIRE OF GOTHOS MIRROR AWARD (and complimentary dress
 uniform) to John de Lancie and Q for best omnipotent being, and also
 THE HARCORT FENTON MUDD PRIZE for best re-occurring character.
        THE "ONE-WAY, TOURIST CLASS TICKET TO HELL" AWARD for worst
 re-occurring character: Vash.
        THE JAYE DAVIDSON SPECIAL SERVICE MEDALLION to Spot the cat.
        THE "UNTOUCHED BY HUMAN HANDS" AUTHENTICITY CERTIFICATE for most
 cliches and plot devices piled up in one hour: "Imaginary Friend"
        THE LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD for biggest
 fall from Greatness: The Borg ("Best of Both Worlds" to "I, Borg" to
 "Descent I and II").
        THE SHELLY LONG/McLANE STEVENSON SCHOOL OF CAREER MANAGEMENT
 DIPLOMA to Denise Crosby and Michelle Forbes. Now accepting
 donations at....
        THE CLIFF-DIVER SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT BADGE (with matching frayed
 bungee cord) for worst Cliff-Hanger resolution: "Descent II".
        THE INDY JONES FEDORA PRIZE for best cliffhanger and resolution
 : "Best of Both Worlds".
        THE ETHER SOAKED PILLOW to "Shades of Gray" for single laziest
 Trek Script.
        THE "HEADIN' OUT TO EDEN" AWARD to "Justice" for most
 embarrassing instance of hedonistic, happenin' individuals.
        THE UHURA/SULU MEMORIAL "MOST UNREALIZED POTENTIAL CERTIFICATE"
 to William Riker.
        THE "SOUND AND FURY SIGNIFYING NOTHING" AWARD to Guinan for best
 implementation of futile mysteriousness.
        THE BOBBY EWING, ZINC SHOWERHEAD for biggest cop-out ending:
 "Eye of the Beholder's" "Gee, what a funky dream!" conclusion.
        THE GOLDEN HANKY to "Unification I" for Sarek's deathbed scene.
 The series most touching moment.
        THE "WHO'S ON FIRST" AWARD to Brent Spiner and "Brothers" for
 most impressive instance of an actor performing multiple parts.
        THE MARK HAMILL "HE'S NOT NICHOLSON, BUT HE DOES A GOOD JOKER,
 ANYWAY" AWARD to Matt Frewer, as best last minute stand-in for Robin
 Williams in "A Matter Of Time."
        THE ROGER MOORE "ARE YOU SURE CONNERY WON'T RETURN OUR CALLS?"
 AWARD to Joe Piscopo, for worst last minute stand-in for Jerry Lewis
 in "The Outrageous Okona."
        THE "AW, BUT I WAS GOING INTO TASHY'S STATION TO PICK-UP SOME
 POWER CONVERTERS!" AWARD for worst Wesley Crusher line: "Uh, well,
 there are some games I don't quite know all the rules to. Yet," from
 "Justice."
        THE LEO BUSCAGLIA/"SNUGGLEBUNNY" AWARD for best quickie, sixty
 minute TrekRomance: Troi and Worf, "Parallels"
        THE "WE NEED WARP SPEED IN THREE MINUTES OR WE'RE ALL DEAD!"
 AWARD for worst quickie, sixty minute TrekRomance: Troi and Wyatt
 Miller, "Haven". Second runner-ups: Troi and Aaron Conor,
 "Masterpiece Society", Riker and Beata, "Angel One", Picard and
 Vash, "Captain's Holiday" and "Q-Pid". Third runner-ups: Picard and
 Nella Darren, "Lessons", Bev and Ronin, "Sub Rosa", Picard and
 Jenice Manheim, "We'll Always Have Paris."
        THE "IN FOR THE LONG HAUL" AWARD for best extended Trek love
 affair: Troi and Worf.
        THE "BALL AND CHAIN" AWARD for worst extended Trek love affair:
 Bev and Picard. Second runner-up: Troi and Riker.
        THE "THONG BATHING SUIT FILLED WITH ICE CUBES" WHOA! HOT! NOT!
 AWARD for erotic scene slightly less arousing than listening to Data
 list synonymous for the word "viscous": The body-oiled slip an'
 slide silliness of "The Price".
        THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER FLIGHT BADGE to "The Defector" for
 slickest Captain's trick.
        THE "THEY'VE STILL GOT IT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS" AWARD for best
 TOS quest appearance: (In a squeaker) Leonard McCoy, "Encounter At
 Farpoint". Second runner-ups: Scotty, "Relics", and Sarek, "Sarek"
 and "Unification I". Just barely placing: Spock, "Unification II".
        THE "ENGAGE!" PRIZE for best Picard episode to "Tapestry."
        THE "EARL GRAY, TEPID" AWARD to "Bloodlines" for worst Picard
 episode.
        THE "LOOKIN' LIKE A STARSHIP CAPTAIN!" AWARD for best Riker
 episode to "Future Imperfect."
        THE "VEEP IN SPACE" AWARD for worst Riker episode to "The Icarus
 Factor." ("Shades of Gray" was disqualified)
        THE "FEEL THIS!" AWARD for best Deanna Troi episode to "Face of
 the Enemy."
        THE "WHO LET THIS LOON ON THE BRIDGE?" AWARD for worst Deanna
 Troi episode to "The Child."
        THE "WARP 9.999999+" AWARD for best Geordi Laforge Episode to
 "Booby Trap."
        THE "STUCK IN A DIAGNOSTIC CYCLE. AGAIN" Award for worst Geordi
 LaForge episode to "Identity Crisis."
        THE "MAKE MY DAY" AWARD for best Worf episode: "Reunion."
        THE GOLDEN WORF-THE-SAP STATUETTE (This lovely sculpted
 rendering, hand-made by the artists at the Franklin Mint, brings to
 life the thrilling moment when Worf missed a Ferengi with a hand
 phaser at point-blank range) for worst Worf episode: "New Ground."
        THE "DR. CRUSHER: MEDICINE WOMAN!" AWARD for best Bev episode:
 "Remember Me."
        THE "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING" AWARD for worst Bev episode:
 "Sub Rosa."
        THE "YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR RELATIVES" AWARD to Alexander Rozhenko
 for Trek family member best suited for a long, unprotected jaunt in
 the icy void of space.
        THE "CLIFF CLAVEN MAILBAG", awarded to extras who break-out into
 the Major League: Miles O'Brien. (Sent back to the minors: Sonya Gomez,
 Lt. Commander Argyle, Ensign Mendon, Lian T'Su, Orfil Solis.)
        THE "ONE MOTHER OF A TAU FACTOR" PURPLE HEART for anyone who is
 still reading this damn thing. You certainly deserve something...
        If you are indeed sticking with us, take heart. The light at the
 end of the tunnel is at hand.
                              **********
                           ***The Future***
        "They're going to shoot it like the series -very fast, very
 cheap, crank it out and make $100 million.
        "For the most part, they're making canned goods.  And you
make products as cheaply as you can to make the greatest profit
you can."
                                    -Brent Spiner, on STVII:TNG:TMP:G
                                    (Indianapolis News, 2-16-94)

        "We've done better episodes.  Well, let me put it this way-- we
 haven't done many worse episodes."
                                    -Marina Sirtis, when asked about
                                     her impression of the screenplay
                                     for the TNG feature film
                                    (New York Creation Convention,
                                     2-19-94)

        As most of you already know, the bleedin' thing is already done.
 Principle photography was finished a week or two ago, and all that's
 left is the post work and for ILM to earn its paycheck. A lot of
 you, like me, have access to the screenplay, (or access to someone
 who has access to it) and know pretty much what's going to happen on
 November 25th. Of course, a lot of it could turn out to be wrong,
 since screenplays have a tendency to evolve over the course of
 shooting (Lando Calrissian was scripted to die at the end of "Return
 of the Jedi", and the first Star Trek movie was basically made up as
 they went along), although all the circumstantial evidence (snippets
 of footage being shot that were show on "Entertainment Tonight",
 comments by cast and crew in interviews, production sketches shown
 on the TNG TV retrospective a few weeks ago) clearly demonstrates
 that massive tracks of the bootleg script are in play here, unless
 someone wants to make the argument that this *whole damn thing* is a
 massive disinformation campaign. Any takers?
        I certainly hope that there are, because, as anyone who's seen
 the script can attest to, we are all in *big* trouble if this makes
 it on the screen. You people think *I'm* nasty. What until Ebert and
 Siskel gets a hold of this little joy-ride. There is a terrifying
 movie-making axiom that bad movies have often been made from good
 scripts, but no good movie has ever been made from a bad script.
        Despite this gloom, I wish to pierce it with the following
 rationalizations, mostly so people can laugh at me when I fall on my
 face. I'm generous that way.
        My first point is that it won't be worse than Star Trek V. This
 in itself is cause for celebration. This script is bad, but it isn't
 *that* bad.
        The second point is that this movie cannot possibly hurt Trek in
 the long-run, and that Paramount has engineered it specifically to
 insure that even if it tanks at the box office, it will still turn a
 profit. They did this by budgeting the film at a scant $25 million.
 As everybody knows, a movie has to gross twice what it cost to make
 before it begins to turn a profit, thus TNG's magic number will be
 $50 million. Or roughly the gross of Star Trek V, widely regarded as
 the Official-Trek-Movie-Kobayashi-Maru-Worst-Case-Scenario. Thus,
 the TNG flick would have to bomb *worse* than Star Trek V before
 Paramount's investment is even endangered, and that ain't gonna'
 happen. Because suckers like you and me are going to go. Maybe just
 once, but remember, we are legion, and we all only have to go once
 to push a movie this cheap into the black. There will be more Star
 Trek movies, no matter how "disappointing" this film does.
        My third point is that the next movie will be number eight (or
 number two, depending on how deep the delusions run), and either way
 it will be even numbered. Actually, I've always thought the whole
 even-number-Trek-movie thing was a little more species than the
 number forty-two being the ultimate answer to life the universe (I
 *liked* STIII. Considerably move than number six when we get right
 down to it), but I am grasping at straws here.
        At any rate, even if (i.e. when) STVII:TNG:TMP:G is reveled as a
 major mess, it will be a familiar situation, echoing how wonderfully
 the original series arrived to the silver screen. Heck. It might
 even be nostalgic.
        Well, maybe not.
                               **********
        Well, gee, would you look at the time...
        The refreshments have long since dried up, the carriages have
 long since turned back into pumpkins, and even the Kennedys have
 left for home.
        I hope I haven't kept you.
        Look, I still have to lock up, so let me walk you to the door.
 Keep you shades handy. It's the dawn of a new day. It might take a
 minute to adjust to it.
        People have been talking for months about this show dying, and I
 can barely understand it. It's not dead. It *can't* die. As we have
 learned many times before, Paramount is yet to find the silver
 bullet that can kill Star Trek. And believe me, they've tried. And
 no show is anywhere near dead when a new adventure is a guaranteed
 six months away, and the sequel to that is due eighteen moths later
 (although if you want to look at the glass half-empty, even if the
 film series goes like gang-busters, the sum of all future TNG films
 may total half a season in regards to hours produced).
        People have to learn that Trek is now a bit more clockwork and
 predictable than Newtonian planetary motion. And not nearly as slow.
 Or graceful. What with movies and new series, and all of these tying
 into the whole Trek gestalt, we are still very much in the middle of
 this. The final word on TNG won't be written for decades.
        "So why the hell have you been yammering for the last eighty
 hours?!" I hear you screaming.
        Beats me. I never said I had all the answers.
        Just remember, the human adventure is just beginning.
        And let's be careful out there.
******************************************************************
        If I were to list all the people I need to thank, I would be
 here considerably longer, and believe me, none of us want that, so
 I'll just leave it maddening vague. I have to say, though, that, as
 maudlin and cliched as it sounds, it was your support that keeps
 fine nature programs like these on the air. I have no tote bags to
 give away, so all I can do is say that I have valued greatly and
 sincerely every bit of feedback I have received over the last year,
 from compliments, to constructive criticism, to well-argued
 disagreements, to barely coherent ad hominem attacks (those were my
 favorite). Your input, interest, and graciousness were what made
 these weird little ("little?") things both possible and pleasurable,
 and hopefully more interesting and valuable. Thank you.
        While I, and lots of other people will now pack our bags and
 move over to DS9 full-time, for some people, this is it for a while,
 simply because TNG was, for them, IT, and everything else is a poor
 substitute.
         "I can't get into DS9. Oh, it's a good enough show, I guess,
 but the characters are dull and the stories don't interest me." In
 other words, just what TOS diehards said about TNG all those years
 ago.  And what DS9 fans will say about "Voyager."
        Trek moves on and on, with Paramount always behind it, to shove
 it into the future. Sometimes with a stick.
        Yes, TNG is gone. And in six years DS9 will end, and six years
 after that "Voyager" will end, and six years after that, "Star Fleet
 Academy," and six years after that, "Star Fleet Janitor-THE
 SERIES!", and six years after that...
        The King is dead.
        Long live the King!

                                             -Ted Brengle
                                          (Resident TNG Cynic)
                                           - On Sabbatical -

(c) Copyright 1994, Ted Brengle (IMHO Inc.)

 * OLX 2.1 TD * So dull and pointless, you'd swear it was a IMHO review.
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