Path: sloth.swcp.com!news.ironhorse.com!news.uoregon.edu!news-peer.gsl.net!portc01.blue.aol.com!newsstand.cit.cornell.edu!usenet From: Tim Conneen Newsgroups: alt.tv.commercials Subject: Claritin: vague days are coming Date: Wed, 23 Apr 1997 13:21:08 -0400 Organization: Cornell University Lines: 64 Sender: tpc1@cornell.edu (Verified) Message-ID: <335E4504.159781CD@ee.cornell.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: pmlincoln.ee.cornell.edu Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.01 (X11; I; Linux 2.0.0 i586) Xref: sloth.swcp.com alt.tv.commercials:12513 God, I am SICK of those surreal Claritin commercials! You know, the ones with the injection-molded happy couples and active people shot against artificial outdoor scenes with impossibly blue skies and green grass, and the alternating male and female voice-overs that tell you to first consider using Claritin, and _then_ worry about what it is and what it's supposed to treat? M: Have you heard about Claritin? F: I think I'll try Claritin! M: What is Claritin? F: Whatever your symptoms, ask your doctor about Claritin. M: Until I asked my doctor, I had no idea what Claritin was! F: Go to your doctor and say, "I don't know what Claritin is, but can I take it?" M: I asked my doctor what Claritin was. He wouldn't tell me! F: Look at that green grass! Why should it matter what Claritin is? M: I begged him! I begged him to tell me about Claritin. F: Now is the time to find out about Claritin. M: My doctor called me a Charmin-squeezing Madison Avenue monkey-boy and threw me out of his office for asking him about Claritin! F: I'm using Claritin, but I don't know what it is! M: I don't know either, but I know I like blue skies and green grass! I'm going to call today! F: Call now for free information about Claritin! M: I called to find out about Claritin. I received a brochure full of abstract scenes with blue skies and green fields and smiling retired couples on bicycles and the message "ask your doctor about Claritin!" F: Clear days are coming! M: My other doctor said Claritin is an abstract concept inaccessible to verbal descriptions. F: Claritin: it can only be defined through observation. M: Now I'm using Claritin, and I don't care what it is! F: Soon everyone will use Claritin! M: My doctor got a big kickback for randomly recommending Claritin! F: Claritin! Why wouldn't they tell what it's for? What is the logic behind a commercial like this? I hope I never know what Claritin is! Tim conneen@ee.cornell.edu