Subject: Claritin: vague days are coming
From: Tim Conneen <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 1997 13:21:08 -0400
Newsgroups: alt.tv.commercials

God, I am SICK of those surreal Claritin commercials!  You know, the
ones with the injection-molded happy couples and active people shot
against artificial outdoor scenes with impossibly blue skies and green
grass, and the alternating male and female voice-overs that tell you
to first consider using Claritin, and _then_ worry about what it is
and what it's supposed to treat?

M: Have you heard about Claritin?

F: I think I'll try Claritin!

M: What is Claritin?

F: Whatever your symptoms, ask your doctor about Claritin.

M: Until I asked my doctor, I had no idea what Claritin was!

F: Go to your doctor and say, "I don't know what Claritin is, but
   can I take it?"

M: I asked my doctor what Claritin was.  He wouldn't tell me!

F: Look at that green grass!  Why should it matter what Claritin is?

M: I begged him!  I begged him to tell me about Claritin.

F: Now is the time to find out about Claritin.

M: My doctor called me a Charmin-squeezing Madison Avenue monkey-boy
   and threw me out of his office for asking him about Claritin!

F: I'm using Claritin, but I don't know what it is!

M: I don't know either, but I know I like blue skies and green grass! 
   I'm going to call today!

F: Call now for free information about Claritin!

M: I called to find out about Claritin.  I received a brochure full of
   abstract scenes with blue skies and green fields and smiling
   retired couples on bicycles and the message "ask your doctor about
   Claritin!"

F: Clear days are coming!

M: My other doctor said Claritin is an abstract concept inaccessible 
   to verbal descriptions.
  
F: Claritin: it can only be defined through observation.

M: Now I'm using Claritin, and I don't care what it is!

F: Soon everyone will use Claritin!

M: My doctor got a big kickback for randomly recommending Claritin!

F: Claritin!

Why wouldn't they tell what it's for?  What is the logic behind a
commercial like this?  I hope I never know what Claritin is!

Tim [email-masked]