From synth Fri May 30 11:38:21 1997 Subject: FW: automobiles (fwd) Date: Fri, 30 May 1997 11:38:21 -0600 (MDT) From: "Vince Mora" Reply-To: synth@swcp.com X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL25 PGP3 *ALPHA*] MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Length: 4114 Status: RO Forwarded message: >From pfpd@pfpd.com Wed May 28 07:52:19 1997 Errors-To: Message-Id: <3.0.1.32.19970528085147.006c5514@pfpd.com> X-Sender: pfpd@pfpd.com X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 3.0.1 (32) Date: Wed, 28 May 1997 08:51:47 -0400 From: Pat Flanagan Subject: FW: automobiles Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Many people can be categorized by the type of pet they own. For others, it's their car. Here's what your automobile might be saying about you: Acura Integra: "I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars" Acura Legend: "I'm too bland for German cars" Acura NSX: "I'm impotent" Audi 90: "I enjoy putting out engine fires" Buick Park Avenue: "I'm older than 34 of the 50 states" Cadillac Eldorado: "I'm a very good Mary Kay salesman" Cadillac Seville: "I'm a pimp" Chevrolet Camaro (or S-10 Truck): "I enjoy beating the hell out of people" Chevrolet Chevette: "I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I own a 'Vette" Chevrolet Corvette: "I'm in a mid-life crisis" Chevrolet El Camino: "I'm leading a militia to overthrow the government" Chrysler Cordoba: "I dig the rich Corinthian leather" Datsun 280Z: "I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well" Dodge Dart: "I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower" Dodge Daytona: "I delivered pizza for four years to get this car" Ferrari Testarossa: "I've been known to prematurely ejaculate" Ford Fairmont: (See Dodge Dart) Ford Mustang: "I slow down to 85 mph in school zones" Ford Crown Victoria: "I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them" Geo Storm: "I will start the 11th grade in the fall" Geo Tracker: "I will start the 12th grade in the fall" Honda del Sol: "l've always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all" Honda Civic: "I've just graduated and have no credit" Honda Accord: "I lack any originality and am basically a lemming" Infiniti Q45: "I'm a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending" Isuzu Impulse: "I don't give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports" Jaguar XJ6: "I'm so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days a year" Kia Sephia: "I learned nothing from the failure of the Daihatsu Corporation" Lamborghini Countach: "I only have one testicle" Lincoln Town Car: "I live for bingo and covered dish suppers" Mercury Grand Marquis: (See above) Mercedes 500SL: "I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph" Mercedes 560SEL: "I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole" Mazda Miata: "I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler" MGB: "I'm dating a mechanic" Mitsubishi Diamante: "I don't know what it means either" Nissan 300ZX: "I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings" Oldsmobile Cutlass: "I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts" Peugeot 505 Diesel: "I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List" Plymouth Neon: "I love doing the Macarena" Pontiac Trans AM: "I have a switchblade in my sock" Porsche 911 Turbo: "I have a three inch ..." Porsche 944: "I am dating big haired women who would otherwise be inaccessible to me" Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: "I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal" Saturn SC2: (See Honda Civic) Subaru Legacy: "I've always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu" Toyota Camry: "I'm still in the closet" Volkswagen Beetle: "I still watch Partridge Family reruns" Volkswagen Cabriolet: "I'm out of the closet" Volkswagen Microbus: "Man, I'm tripping right now" Volvo 740 Wagon: "I'm frightened of my wife" ------------------------- End Original -------------------------